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This says it all. I have this friend.. well more like a best friend. we’ve been friends for ages.  we’ve been through a lot. he knows me more than anyone. and vice versa. we are each other’s support in everything we do. we never hide anything from each other. if there’s more love than brothers and sisters then that’s what we have. I am always grateful for having him. he was always there for me. he understood me like no one else could. he pushed me to be a better person. he never judged me for my mistakes. he appreciated me. but I was always the second option. I was never the priority. but he wants me to prioritize him more than others. he’s unfair. but I love him too much that I just give in to whatever he wants. I was used to us being like this but as of the moment I am tired of all of this. Sometimes I feel like he only talks to me when he needed something from me. Lately, he met this girl and to cut the story short the girl is now her girlfriend. the girl doesn’t exactly like me. i dont even know why. but i tried my hardest for her to like me but sad to say it still didn’t work. she even made my best friend choose over us. and she lost so she hates me more now than before. but that’s not the point. when i heard he has a gf. i was genuinely happy for him. i wished them well. but when i started talking about me having a relationship sooner or later he started getting angry.i dont get it. it feels like my decisions and relationships should always be of his approval. when he doesnt approve then its a no no. but when its about his relationships i dont even have a say about it. Sometimes it makes me want to end our friendship. but i just cant. he’s my best friend. i can’t lose him. i will never lose him…. 

I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m uncertain about so many things. I feel like I’m slowly losing the person I was before. Personally, I think its okay that I’m changing but I don’t know if it’s for the better. Before, I was used to prioritizing others happiness over mine. I was contented seeing people I care about happy. But lately, I decided that I should prioritize my feelings more and speak up my mind. For me, I was doing great. But for some of my friends.. I was becoming worse. They didn’t like the idea of my ‘new personality’. That’s when my thoughts of “Am I that bad?” “Is this really worth it” “I don’t know what to do” came in.. I don’t know but there;s this part of me that thinks that maybe they are being unfair. They were so used to me being the “go with the flow”, the supportive and the quiet one and maybe they were overwhelmed by my sudden change. i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose them because they were my friends for ages and I love them.. But I don’t want to be the way I was before.. :/

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This is it.

Finally! I’ve decided to make my own tumblr. I’ve been wanting to start my own blog for ages. Haaa! So yeah. Please bear with me. This blog will probably contain mostly my rants. Thoughts I can’t tell. My happy stories. My victories and weaknesses.

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